Ajit Jokes

JOKES CORNER

The middle- aged woman went to see her doctor.
"Well, what's the trouble?"
"Doctor, it's headache, shooting pains in my legs and high blood pressure."
"How old are you?" asked the doctor.
"I'll be 26 on my next birthday."
"H'mm," said the doctor, busy writing, "loss of memory too."

Mr. and Mrs. Banta Singh's two-year-old boy was bawling away loudly. Mrs. Singh asked her husband why their son was being so difficult. "he wants to take a ride on a donkey,"replied Banta.
"Then why don't you put him on your shoulders and go for a run?"

A Shopkeeper's son had trouble with his eyes. He took the boy to an eye-specialist who operated upon and replaced the boy's eyes with those donated by a Minister .
A few days after the operation, the doctor asked the father,"How's your son doing?"
"He is fine," replied the father,"but he keeps on gazing at a chair whenever he finds one."

A Sardarji was travelling in a train. The ticket checker came and asked him to show his ticket.
The Sardarji politely asked, "Which one should I show, the one in my right pocket or the one in my left pocket?"
The T.C. was taken aback. He then said, "Show me the ticket in your right pocket".
The Sardarji promptly showed the ticket. it was perfectly in order. The T.C. then requested the Sardarji to show the ticket in his left pocket also.That was also in order. The T.C. then asked for the reason for buying two tickets.
The sardarji explained, "If someone picks one pocket then I have the other ticket left." The T.C. asked again,"Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?"
The sardarji replied with a smile,"I have third ticket inside my pugree"

A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times placed an ad. announcing his father's death". The rate is Rs.360/single col. cm.,"the clerk told him.
"Main to lut jaoonga- I will be ruined,"exclaimed the Haryanavi."My father was182 cms. tall."

A girl who was appearing in B.ED got married.The result of B.ED was declared when She was in her in-laws house. She had secured the first position and in her excitement She sent a telegram to her father.
SUCCESSFUL IN B.ED
Due to efficiency of the telegraph department, the father got the telegram as : SUCCESSFUL IN BED
The father cursed the daughter for sending this telegram about her conjugal affairs.

Once a Jat went to Mumbai. While passing through a road he saw a very high building. He was amazed to see it, and decided to count its stories. As he was doing so a townsman saw him and tried to befool him. So he approached the Jat and asked,"What are you doing?" When he was told the answer the townsman said that one had to pay rupees for every storey counted. "How many have you counted?" The Jat said ten and gave the man twenty rupees. Walking away the Jat was very happy to think how he has befooled the other man, for he had counted twenty.

A village tailor suddenly decamped leaving his clients in a quandry. " He took my pant piece with him, " complained Ram Pall.
" He took my suit lenth with him, " complained Ilahi Baksh
Banta Singh had a more serious complaint, " Mera to naap lay kar bhaag gayaa - he decamped with my measurements. "

Two terrorists were driving their Maruti to the spot where they intended to place their bomb. The one in driver's seat looked very worried. " Natha, what happens if the bomb we have on the back seat blows up before we get to the site ? "
" Not to worry, " replied Natha , " I have a spare one in my attache case. "

AJIT'S SPECIAL

AJIT: Raabert, isko Great Wall of China le jaakar phansi mein laga do, great 'wall hanging' ban jayegi.

AJIT : Robert is ko microprocessor may daal do !
Bit by bit mar jaayga gaa saala!

AJIT : Robert is ko liquid oxygen may daal do !
Liquid issay jeenay nahi day gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi day gaa!

AJIT : Robert, Dayna (Diana) ko thoda khatta khila do, yeh dayna se daynasour bhi ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi...

AJIT : Robert, isey thodi shampane pila do, paheley shame sey, phir pane sey mar jayegaa...

AJIT : Robert, isey peekak paisan pila do, yeh more sey no-more ho jayegaa...

AJIT : Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do, nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee...

AJIT : "Robert, Harshad Mehta the Bull ka stool test karaao"
"Kyon boss?"
"Pata to chale akhir ye Bullshit kya hota hai"

AJIT : Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal ke 440 V pass kar do.
Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur zindagi bhar ticket kaat-ta reh jaayega.

Maikal : Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin raha hai. Kya karen ?
Ajit : Ise revaalving chair mein daal do.
Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.

Robert : Boss , Sona kahan hai ? ( Where is the Gold ? )
AJIT : Kahin par bhi so jao Robert !!

(Scene - Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.)
Robert : Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya
AJIT : Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh do. Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do.
Robert : Par sui kyon, baass!
AJIT : Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide hua hai!

Robert : Boss, mere teen bacche hue. Unko kya naam doon?
AJIT : Ek ka naam rakhna Peter, doosre ka Maikal,
aur teesre ka Cha Ling Chu.
Robert : Par Cha Ling Chu kyoon?
AJIT : Bewakoof, duniya ka har teesra bacchaa Chinese hota hai!

(Scene - Ajit thoroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.)
AJIT : Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Robert : Magar kyoon baas ?
AJIT : Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

AJIT : Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur
debugger istarrt kar do.
Robert : Lekin kyoon, baas?
AJIT : Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.

AJIT : Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Robert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai.
Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.
Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Robert : Yes Boss.
AJIT : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards,
tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......

(Scene - Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.)
AJIT : Peter, time bomb le aao aur is kutte ko usse bandh do.
Timer ko theek das baje set kar do.
Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai.
Iski maut bhi late honi chahiye. Timer ko panch minute late rakh do.
Arre, Robert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh
mat rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha.
Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega.
Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhadkega.
Tum agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup'
suanaai dega ..."

(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT : "Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do,
saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho jaayega.

Bob : Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
AJIT : Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!

(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT : "Robert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal do.
Saale ko Society jeene nahin degi aur security marne nahin degi.

(Scene - Robert and Ajit are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs
a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed !)
Robert : Boss ab kya hoga ??
AJIT : Robert Ek aur hole bana do, aur ek hole me IN
aur doosre me OUT likh do. Ek hole se paani ander aayega
aur doosre se bahar chala jayega !!

(Scene - Ajit get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.)
AJIT : Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal : Lekin kyon baas?
AJIT : Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he....